Pe vesnicie

 Daca te-as saruta pana in zori de zi

Si-n loc de Soare ar rasari Luna,

Si ne-am trezi de data asta impreuna,

Asa cum ne-a fost dat de la inceput

Spune-mi, ai vrea sa impartim eterna noapte pentru totdeauna?

Daca nu ti-as da drumul niciodata,

Ai vrea sa ma tii de mana pana la Infinit?

Pana la Infinit si-o secunda

Pentru a-mi putea lua ramas-bun.

Daca nu ne este sortit sa ne gasim in aceasta viata,

Ai vrea sa ne intalnim intr-o viata mai buna?

Intr-o viata in care ma vei tine de mana

La Infinit. Si inca o zi.

Daca lumina din ochii mei va pieri intr-o zi

Vei putea tu, oare,  sa-mi dai ochii tai

Pentru a-mi gasi din nou

Calea spre tine?

Pasii mei ma vor duce spre inima ta

Mai bine decat o voi face eu uitandu-ma prin fereastra

Fericirii noastre.

Iar daca inima-mi va inceta sa bata

Cand chipul nu ti-l voi zari,

Cand viata mea va ramane pustie astazi, la final de zi,

Vei vrea sa ma lasi sa ascult la pieptul tau

Inima ticaind tic-tac, tic-tac doar pentru mine?

Pe vesnicie.

Infinitul

Ce bine era cand nu simteam nimic,

Iar simturile ne erau amortite intr-o iarna interminabila.

Ne incurcam intr-un dans pe care nu vom sti sa-l dansam vreodata

Cum nici ploaia nu stie unde o sa cada.

Ne mintim vinovati pentru a nu ne rani orgoliul

Care oricum nu mai incape intr-un trup macinat de pacate.

Oamenii nu vor ramane nici daca-i vei striga pe nume,

Nici daca dimineata le vei promite Infinitul.

Se vor intoarce la un viitor mai putin apropiat

Unde vor continua sa se minta ca le va fi mai bine.

Le va fi mai bine fara tine

Doar daca vor putea sa-ti uite ochii verzi dimineata

Atunci cand lumea pare mai buna si mai fericita,

Cafeaua e mai dulce,

Iar soarele anunta prin geam ca e posibil sa nu mai ploua un sfert de secol.

Vor putea sa-si vada mai departe de viata lor mizerabila

Doar daca iti vor uita parfumul

Pe care il vor intalni in fiecare zi

La toate femeile pe care nu le vor putea iubi.

Oricum, era de preferat sa nu ma tii niciodata in brate

Decat sa-mi dai drumul la mana fara resentimente,

Dar eu te voi prinde intr-o zi ploioasa de Decembrie

Intr-o rima alba ca sufletul meu

Si vei ramane in poezia mea fara sens

Pentru totdeauna.

As vrea

 As vrea sa plec asa cum au plecat altii.

As vrea sa părăsesc asa cum am fost parasita.

As vrea sa uit asa cum am fost uitata.

As vrea sa zbor asa cum zboara pasarile, fara grija parca.

As vrea sa sarut obrazul unui prieten asa cum a facut Iuda cu Iisus pe care L-a tradat, asa cum m-au tradat pe mine cei mai buni prieteni. 

As vrea sa scriu si sa se stearga, as vrea sa strig si sa nu se mai auda.

As vrea sa plec si sa nu-mi mai fie dor de cei care odata au plecat din sufletul meu.

As vrea sa nu mai iubesc asa cum altii au incetat sa ma mai iubeasca.

As vrea sa nu ma mai insel asa cum m-au inselat altii intr-un trecut prea apropiat de mine.

As vrea sa nu ma intorc niciodata in trecut pentru a fi mai aproape de viitor.

As vrea sa ma iubesti asa cum te-am iubit, ca un copil, ca un orb, fara sa aud, fara sa vad, fara sa stiu.

As vrea sa ma auzi cand te-am strigat cand nu ma auzeai.

As vrea sa nu mai fiu intr-o lume in care nu mai vreau sa fiu.

As vrea sa nu mai simt ceea ce trebuie sa simt.

As vrea

Sa

Stiu.

The Universe is giving us a sign. The planet is teaching us how to breathe again.

I calmed myself down for a moment. I slowed myself and stopped running. What  I  was running for? What  I was running from?


The last few days I was thinking about writting a new post on  the actual situation and the lessons we should learn from it.

Suddenly I woke up  with the  need to get out of the house and enjoy the spring. But I couldn t do it anymore. That day has come. The day when I couldn t enjoy my everyday walks ended. There is a bad dream we are living that does not allow us to get out of teh house. They call it a virus, but can I call it a sign? Can I call it a lesson (or actually more) from which we should all learn?
I found myself trapped inside my house since 6 days ago already. I only went out for emergency only, but this is not the point.


There are some other things I want to talk about that I realized while opening my eyes in the morning trapped in my housed.
First of them is that I learnt how to stop for a bit. To give myself a well-deserved break that I didn t take in forever. I was always running for something to get, I was always running from something not to get or feel: responsabilities, truth, comfort zone, self love. I was trying to fill in the void inside my heart by not facing the reality. I closed my eyes so I couldn t see the reflection of who I was becoming. Was it real? Is that the person I wanted to be? The answer was NO.
I was running from the lesson I learnt from the past experiences because I considered that they were enough. They were not. I thought that better things were coming, but they were not. Or maybe...

I saw myself trapped inside a life I didn t like. I wasted money on buying food that  I later threw it away just because I was too lazy to prepare it myself. I lied myself that I didn t have time so that I could get covered. Covered from myself. But that changed, two things changed: I realized that I can buy enough food for a few days and that I could give myself time and patience to cook it so I won t throw it away because there are lots of people who need it more than I do...
Giving yourself time like preparing a salad may also mean giving yourself time to be with yourself, to relieve yourself from the weight you are carrying inside you heart. Remember that you do not deserve to carry the heavy of the world within you.

The second one is to give myself patience. Even if it is a bit, it is important. It is something I thought I couldn t get, but I am learning from it every day. Patience to love myself more and heal from a heart I didn break.
 I am patient with the lady from the grocery store that is scanning my food. She must be tired from waking up every day to serve us without any mask or protection, but I didn t know that a few days ago when I was judging her for moving too slowly.
I am learning not to judge them anymore. My lack of patience is not their fault. I do have problems but it is not only me, we all have them. So, let s breathe again, Andreea (this time with a mask over your mouth), and use the last piece of  your not-so-patient-broken-heart. Give love and patience because we are all facing a bad reality. We are all in this together, so we should be kind. This is maybe one of the most important lesson I am still learning from this. Loving the others and respecting them, sharing kindness as much as other people have showed to me before. It s not only me on this planet, so I could put more effort.



The third one is how important  the people and the things that I have are to me. I can see clear now that I am surrounded by wonderful people who were trying to teach me so many beautiful lessons that I was avoiding by complaing about how BAD my life is. It is NOT. It is wonderful and what a shame it is that we realize it the moment we start losing something. Something as precious as the gift of beeing free.
How beautiful it is to be surrounded by a family that loves you more than anything in the world and could give their lives for you, friends who accept you the way that you are, protect you from the harm of the world, support you through bad times and laugh at your stupid jokes late at night, by colleagues who understand your madness beacause they are as mad as you are, sing and dance with you on the same song over and over again, accept your mad ideas and love you just the way you are?
This may be a privilege not many of us can find during their lifetime. This is a gift from God and it is His way of telling us that He loves us even if we forgot how to love ourselves and the others.
 Stop for a bit and open your eyes to see how blessed you are. Shame on you that you  realized it today.


I was trying to fill in the void inside my heart by avoiding the truth. Sometimes healing yourself means hurting yourself and the people around you. Somtimes healing means breaking. Sometimes opening your eyes means close them for a moment. Sometimes being good means being better with yourself first.


The part about the virus that suddenly extended all over the world makes me a bit surprised because of two things:
The first one is that before this happened I was wondering how it is possible to live so safe in a world where people eat with their bare hands after they touched dirty things? Isn t the button of responsability activated inside their brain? Do they have one? Well, I got the answer now...


The second one is why are we told how to wash our hands at this age? We live in the 21st century, weren t we supposed to know how and when to clean our hands? And not only our hands, people...
Unfortunately, the world is learning a big lesson right now and that is that we are not thought in school how to wash our hands and how important the hygiene is, we are not thought how to clean or prepare our food before eating it. But we are thought instead how to solve maths problems, but not our personal problems, how many animals are on the planet but not how to protect them, how many countries are on the Earth but not how to  protect their beauty and neither how to gain money to go see them. We are thought how to memorize a poem but not the meaning of it, we live not so logically and neither with passion.
We use our brain to follow the same road everyday but not to stop for a bit and think about ourselves or take another road. We became robots of a society that is now meant to function this way: brainless and heartless.
Shall we force ourselves to feel again? To feel a bit more intense? Shall we activate the button of our brain to do things differently?


I have never thought that there will be a day when I couln t see my parents, my friends and colleagues because of something like this. Anyway, I am grateful that I do have the opportunity to do my work from home (something that I used to hate but now I have to enjoy) because other people have already lost their jobs, I am so grateful to be protected and have food and water at home enough so I won t expose myself. It s not the same for the people who have to work everyday being exposed to the disease. I am grateful that for the moment my parents are safe even though my father is one of the vulnerable people right now. I am safe and for this am grateful.

I am grateful because I am still able to keep in touch with my beloved ones, I am grateful because they care about me as I muchas as I care about them. These are some hard moments that help me realize who stands by me and of what am I so afraid of. Afraid of the truth.
I miss my old life and I realize that I took it for granted. This is the most valuable lesson we should learn. DO NOT TAKE FOR GRANTED ALL THE GOOD THINGS IN YOUR LIFE. Being healty and safe, and loved are only a few of the so-called things that we have.

 We live in an era where everything is so advanced, the brain is developed to solve unbelievable problems but not how to wash our hands or how to sneeze and cough? Isn t it funny? Aren t we stupid after all?
Should we use our hearts instead? Do we still have one? Do we know how to use it?


What I am trying to say is that we should stay kind and patient and smart, to love  each other while keeping the distance. This again shall pass and we will love again even stronger, and we will breathe again even more...

Starting from the start

Lately, I’ve wanted so much to start writting again on the blog, but couldn’t find any inspiration as the content on my blog is actually kind of melancholic and sad based on romantic past experiences.
Anyway, I finally got the courage to share with whoever will decide to read this- some of my feelings that are based mostly on my experiences from the last year.
There are some very important things, I believe, that I learnt and for which I am pretty grateful. ‘Pretty’ because I had to learn them the hard way.
So I will start by saying to you that the world is so big and bad and this is how we learn things. We finally find someone one day to whom we wouldn’t give any chance to, but suddenly they make sense to your existense. You fall in love with only two imaginary moments that won’t last but this represents the best. The best in you. And maybe, somehow, the best in them too. Even though you know that it won’t last, you fall. They leave and let your soul in pieces but maybe it’s because you’ll become a better person. Maybe you needed that. You won’t understand and you will be in pain but that’s it. The worst part is moving on but you’ll figure it out. You’ll die a little bit, but you’ve died a bit in the past too and you’re still alive to write this. So you’ll decide you’ll keep the memories and you’ll put them deep inside your heart. They will try to get out sometimes but you will bury them somehow.
Then you will learn that you will have to take some risks and some bad decisions, you will fall and you will crawl and you will walk again. You will have some black nights and nightmares and you will think that they will never end. But somehow, if you wish it so bad, you will make a way out. Something inside you will help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it’s the love you kept giving to the others but you should have given it to you instead.
Then you will learn that you have to make some sacrifices, that money is not that important as you think, but a rested heart really is. You will have the biggest desire to give up, you won’t understand and the Universe will make things  even worse but you still survive. You don’t know how, but you still survive.
Then you will realize that the people you loved aren’t so loveble anymore. You will cross the street to avoid them one day just because they did the same with you. You will understand that the people you love are not able to love you as much as you do. And that’s fine. That’s a very fine thing for you to realize that you do not need anybody, you do not need to cherish people or to make them like you. You do not have to demonstrate anything to anyone. You can do a lot of things by yourself even if those people won’t even say ‘hi’ anymore. Do not look to be liked by people who do not feel the same as you do, who do not love as much as you do. It’s ok if they don’t understant, it’s you the one who has to understand. Let them criticize and get their own opinion. They do not have the same heart as you do. Do not listen to them if your heart is pure....
And last but not the least, you will feel lonely sometimes. You will try to feel the void inside of you and you won’t manage to figure it out. But it’s ok. It’s ok to feel lost. It’s ok not to have accomplished anything you wanted by the age of 26. It’s ok to cry your heart out and feel pain. Cause this is you, kid, this is all you can do. This is all you can do at the end of the day, but you did the best of you, didn’t you? Some people are better, some are smarter, some are better paid, some are promoted, some have kids, some are already married and live the happily ever after fairytale but they are not you. And it’s ok to be broken cause you’re the one who will be able to put the stitches back together...